Receiving……………………………………….

When it comes to love languages, ‘gifts' are high on my list. I am a giver. It fills me up, gives me joy, and makes others feel loved. But this trip has taught me something about that concept. When you no longer have the resource you are used to, your languages change. And for me, it has not been easy. Sometimes the simple lack of common resource causes some serious emotions to run...

I am the girl who randomly sees something, which makes a person come to mind, and before you know it, that person is getting a random little something-or-other. I am the girl that goes to Target (Ohhh how I miss thee) and stands in the card isle for an hour one random day after work just to find a pick-me-up for a friend who is having a rough week. I am the girl who goes to dinner or coffee with a friend, and before you know it, I've already slipped my card to pay.


At least this is the girl I was up until 223 days ago when I said goodbye to all I knew as me.


Today I am not that girl, but I so badly want to be. Instead I am out of resources. In English, this translates to I'm broke.


Being broke means one of three things. You either ask for help, accept generosity, or go without.

To be brutally honest, I'm not good at any of these options. When it comes to asking for help, I feel guilty. I don't want to ask to borrow it, because I don't have it to pay back. I don't want to ask to have it, cause then I feel like I'm using you. I struggle with accepting generosity the most. I don't want to feel like I am a charity case, or incapable on my own. I don't want to feel like secretly there is a tab somewhere. I just don't like it, and I suck at it. And lets be honest, going without, it's not fun. Period. And I don't mean like going without that extra tee shirt, or that ice cream sundae. Those I can do without, no problem. It's the times where you have to really judge, can I afford to go to the Dead Sea today, or will I need that money for shampoo next week? Or what about when meals seem to become optional, because my mission-given food budget of 3,000 Shillings a day just isn't enough. It's the times like these where I sit down and just want to cry


But I'm learning. I'm learning to receive from others. It's almost a daily occurrence, and there has yet to be an instance where it was easy in my heart. So be it the snack that was bought for me at the grocery store today, or the day of sightseeing last weekend, I'm learning to receive.


I think this is a lesson from Him, but really, I'd prefer a few bucks and a lesson, not just the lesson....


To those that have given to me financially, both personally and towards my mission funding, thank you!  Irene